Do Not Police My Body

I was speaking to a friend yesterday about options that were given to me by the two doctors I visited when it occurred to me that my first doctor did not even present me with the option of a hysterectomy. She said, "We won't consider a hysterectomy because you are too young." When I told her I do not want biological children, she proceeded to question me over and over again on the topic. Even after I confirmed her doubts she still did not present the option of a hysterectomy. I prefer to believe that she lacked the experience about endometriosis rather than believe that she made the decision for me. I do not want to believe that she would decide to save one of my ovaries 'just in case' I changed my mind about having a biological child while risking my health.

What makes it worse is that I felt a little like the female doctor was 'policing' my body while the male doctor gave me all the options and left the decisions up to me. He explained that the cysts and extra flesh can be removed. However, they will return and I will have to repeat the surgery every 4 years or so. When I told him that having a biological child was not a priority he gave me the option of getting rid of my uterus completely by doing the hysterectomy.

As I said before, I am not sure why that first doctor did not present the option of a hysterectomy but I cannot help but feel like decisions were made for me. What is even more saddening is that a woman was doing this to me. I have been saying this for years and while many people disagree with me I stand by the belief that women are one of the reasons we are still not seen as equal to men. We live in a society where women are the main nurturers and we raise our daughters to believe that they have no rights over their own bodies, and we raise our sons to believe that they do. I see the effects of this every day in my classroom. Change is happening but not quickly enough.

Decision

On the drive home from the doctor's office my mind is consumed with the decision I must make. I have spent most of the last month online reading everything I can on Endometriosis and I know what my decision must be but I cannot yet allow myself to make it. I have amazing friends and a very supportive partner but I want to speak to someone who is going through what I am. I want to speak to someone who has gone through what I must decide to go through. But I cannot - you see there is a stigma attached to having a hysterectomy at an early age. Even older women do not like to admit it. Personally, I cannot understand the reasoning behind this stigma so I do the only thing I can. I go online and hope that there are women out there who are comfortable enough to tell their story through the anonymity of the internet. No matter how much I read I cannot make contact to connect with these women. I have so many questions to ask each one but I cannot reach them. They offloaded all their frustrations or successes onto these sites and then never looked back. I feel alone, lost, backed into a corner, having to make a decision unaware of the real long term consequences. There is only so much you can learn from forums, websites and journals. I yearn to talk to a woman who has made the decision I must make.